Helping the Unknown Screenwriter

Apparently Unk at unknownscreenwriter is getting inundated with trivial question via his new contacts page… so in the spirit of helping out, I thought I’d copy them over here and answer them for him… LOL… here we go:

* Should I type FADE IN: at the beginning of my screenplay?
Yeap
* Should I number my scenes?
Nope
* Generally speaking, about how many parentheticals should I have in my screenplay?
Seven, unless it’s a horror film and then the union allows eight
* Can I just type FIN at the end of my screenplay?
Only if you’re French
* Do you use Celtx?
No, but it’s a good program
* If I use Celtx to write my screenplay will I have a better chance of selling it?
Only if your only other options are crayons on the back of a cornflakes packet

* Should I sign my screenplay?
Nope
* Should I include my email address on my screenplay?
Yeap
* Why do I have to put my character’s name in caps througout my screenplay?
You don’t, except to indicate dialogue… and then, because… well, just because
* What do I do with my screenplay when I’m finished with it?
Well, if it’s 117 pages long, you could make 117 paper aeroplanes…
* Can you take a look at page 69 of my screenplay and tell me if it’s correct?
It isn’t… trust me, if you need to ask, it isn’t
* Should I send my screenplay to you in a box or an envelope?
Well, boxes are easier to bury… so, I’d say a box
* If I pay you $5000, will you help me sell my screenplay?
I will… Unk won’t, oh no… but I’ll give it a shot (we are talking play or play here, aren’t we?)
* If I pay you $10,000 will you help me sell my screenplay?
I’ll try twice as hard… I promise (… now about the pay or play thing)
* Will you marry me?
Hell yes… have you got $10,000?
* What font should I use to write my screenplay?
Courier 12 pt (I threw the point size in as a bonus… it’s all about the giving)
* Can I just write my screenplay in Word?
Yes, but you have to give 17.5% to Bill Gates and thank him on the cover
* How many pages should my screenplay be?
117 is a good number
* How long should each act of my screenplay be?
If johnny has 117 pages and he divides them by 4… how many pages does Johnny have in each act
* Is it okay if my hero and villain both have the same name?
Hell yes! I can’t think of a simple reason why not to do that… (Darwin, got to love him)
* Is it okay if my Protagonist is Hillary Clinton?
George, if the White House Staff find out, there will be trouble…
* Is it okay to thank my Mom in my screenplay?
It’s always right to thank your mum… try to work it into every scene, she’ll be even more impressed
* Is it okay to thank my husband in my screenplay?
No, do you know where I got splinters whilst hiding in your wardrobe!
* Is it okay to thank YOU in my screenplay?
Yes, not Unk, oh no… but me, sure, go for it
* Do you accept credit cards?
Hell yes
* Do you live alone?
No, but the penguin in my head does
* What’s your favorite color?
Ultra Violet
* What’s your favorite food?
Curry
* What’s your favorite drink?
Tea
* Do you smoke?
Like a bloody chimney
* Do you drink?
Like a bloody chimney… what was the question agsin?
* What color are your eyes?
Red, from all the smoke and drink
* When’s the last time you had sex?
Well, that’s a personal question… but if I told you it’s taken me an hour to type this and I’ve kicked the laptop off the balcony twice in the last ten minutes, I think you’ll know what the Rock is cooking

Hope this helped
mini-unk

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